Myth Busting about Men as Sexual Machines

by Bren Manaugh, LCSW | Published Online on February 01, 2011

“Man as sex machine” is seen (especially in porn!) as thrusting mightily and lustily for a very long period of time and finishing with a perfectly timed climax; when, in fact, the average length of time for men to go from the beginning of intercourse (or other sexual stimulation) to climax is between 3 and 5 minutes (surprised?!). Sex therapists are often approached by men with the complaint that they are suffering from “premature ejaculation” when, upon further assessment, their response time is found to be within normal range if they are lasting more than a couple of minutes.

Another aspect to this myth is viewing men as single-minded sexual beings: horny and just waiting for any chance to get some. Like all human beings, men’s physical and sexual bodies are linked to their emotional, mental and spiritual selves. Like women, men require the right physical stimulation and emotional and/or mental context for sexual desire and arousal.

“Performance anxiety” is a frequent complaint by men to sex therapists that is the result of the link between mind and body. Performance anxiety can take the form of premature ejaculation, OR, failure to get and keep an erection. It is normal for either of these events to happen occasionally. If, when it happens, the man becomes unduly worried about it and has negative anticipation that it will happen again, then those repetitive thoughts create a physiological response that actually makes the event more likely to happen: a stress/anxiety reaction that affects sexual response. The triggering of this anxiety response can be avoided by recognizing that it is quite normal to occasionally have erectile difficulties and finding ways to let yourself and/or your partner off the hook when it happens. Be kind and supportive and find other ways to pleasure and have intimacy with yourself and/or with your partner. Odds are, next time things will go fine. If you find that you are already in a performance anxiety pattern, then it is advisable to seek the assistance of a trained sex therapist or other competent professional who can help you with prescriptive exercises and therapy to break the anxiety cycle.

Bren Manaugh, LCSW is a psychotherapist and AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist.

This article appeared in the February 2011 of ignite Magazine.