Coming Out Transgender It IS Worth It
The observance of National Coming Out Day (NCOD) is nationally recognized as October 11; other parts of the world celebrate on October 12. NCOD is a time when a host of celebrations and activities are held that honor and encourage coming out of the closet. The act of leaving the safety of hiding your “real” self is very traumatic for many people, especially those whose appearance is required to change as a part of the release. In the trans community, the appearance change is the key to society that their worst suspicions about a person are true. Reactions to those coming out range from no surprise to total rejection, and in some cases rejection results in physical abuse.
In the womb of hidden identities and pretend lives, for many, there was societal acceptance instead of alienation. When emerging, the transgender person often is rejected even by those to whom they have maintained the closest relationships. In the first national transgender study, which was completed in 2011, almost 20% reported being refused health care and housing. Many transgender people are thrown out of their homes when they come out, and the study found one in five had experienced homelessness. Against all odds, the study also found that 78% reported they “felt more comfortable at work and their job performance improved despite harassment.” Regardless of the pain, the harassment, and the loss, It Is Worth It!
Lori D., a transgender woman, has started a new website that hopes to show the world the stories of the many transgender people who have successfully migrated from the closet to fulfilling lives: its-worth-it.org. We have all had unique and individual experiences in our journeys, but the vast majority have agreed it was worth the pain.
Most transgender people were aware from a young age that they were different, even though many of us did not have a label or understanding for many years. Personally, in my coming out letter called “Over the Rainbow,” I described coming out as relief from a pain that I had so long I had grown numb. On the website “It’s Worth It,” Debra describes the decision so many transgender people face, “Many of us end up in quite the same conundrum: transition or die.” For some this conundrum is made substantially greater as they have created the enigma of a loving family, successful career, and everything else - but all in the wrong gender.
Debra’s final paragraph says what I believe most every transperson I know would tell anyone: “If you are experiencing gender dysphoric feelings and feel like transition or even life might not be worth it because you'll lose so much or even if you are somewhere in your transition already and still experiencing bouts of dysphoria or having doubts in general, please know: it is indeed worth it. Seek out help, don't give up; there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.” Come see why we say “IT’S WORTH IT!”
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