Dating Rules

by Miss Prim | Published Online on February 28, 2011

Dear Ms. Prim,

I'm kind of new to this whole gay thing, and I need some advice about something. I'm 18 and just came out. A couple of nights ago, I was out with this guy at Las Palapas. First gay date ever, and I asked him out. After we ate, he told me that I had to pay for the meal since I was the one who asked him out. He said that it was an unspoken rule among gay men that the one who starts the date has to pay for the whole thing. Is this true?

-Jock5501

Dear Jock,

First off, congratulations on coming out, sweetheart. We can always use a few more guys in the dating pool. Ladies like me have so few strapping young men to choose from. You're only 18, too. You have no idea how lucky you are to live at a time when you can be yourself at such an early age. Back in my day—well—I'll not talk about my day, lest I reveal how long ago it was. I'll just get to your question, darling.

Honey, the truth is there are no hard and fast rules between anyone, let alone gay men, when it comes to this sort of thing. This is the 21st century and the person who pays is simply whoever offers to pay. If you didn't say ahead of time that you were going to foot the bill, then it wasn't really your job to pay for his dinner. If you had wanted to, that's one thing, but honestly, you should be a little careful of this guy. He might be playing you like a fiddle.

Even if there are no real rules regarding who pays for a meal, it never hurts to be a nice person and a gentleman. Our community would probably be a lot better if there were more nice young men in it. That being said, though, on a first date you have the luxury of enjoying an entire meal together before figuring out how to divide the bill. If all the food is consumed and you're NOT interested, the best way to be a gentleman is to suggest (and insist if necessary) that you go dutch. However, if you can tell that there's mutual interest, see what happens. You might offer to get the bill, but then tell him he can get the next one--which will hopefully lead you to planning a second date!

Just be careful, dearie, about someone else insisting on your making payment for any reason. He might mean nothing by it, but he also might just be looking for a free lunch (and as my mama told me, there just ain't no such thing!)

Sincerely,

This article appeared in the March 2011 of ignite Magazine.