Miss Prim August 2011
Dear Ms. Prim,
I’ve gotten very little sleep over the last few nights. As much as I’d like to say it’s because of my active love life, that’s not the case. It’s my neighbor.
You see, I live in an area of the city where the houses are way too close together. On top of that, most of these homes were built back in the 50’s and most of their insulation’s gone to crap. Suffice to say, there’s little privacy in my neck of the woods. This is a problem when you have a neighbor like mine who does nothing but make noise for nights on end. Seriously, I don’t know what he’s doing over there. It sounds kind of like sex and kind of like power tools at the same time. Yeah, I know that’s scary to think about. That’s kind of the problem.
I want him to quit whatever he’s doing so I’m not tired out of my mind at work every morning, but I also feel worried about asking him to stop doing something that might be very private and very creepy. I mean, what happens if I approach him about being quiet and he actually begins a conversation where he goes into detail about it? That’s a level of awkwardness I can’t deal with. In general, I just hate intruding in people’s lives or imposing myself upon them. I don’t want to seem like a prudish neighbor.
What should I do?
-malreynolds576
Dear Mal,
Sweetheart, I very much feel your pain. There was a time when I lived next to some particularly noisy neighbors. Night in and night out, their ruckus would keep me wide awake when I’d need shuteye the most. I must have my beauty rest! (Trust me, dear readers, if you saw me, you'd know why!) Like you, I had no idea what they were doing and really didn’t want to. It sounded like something out of a horror movie with screaming and some sort of heavy metal music all at once. I eventually reached the point where I could take no more. I needed a good night’s sleep.
When I went to my neighbor’s house to ask him to keep the noise down, he told me of some very unique things he and his wife were doing in bed. My cheeks turned red as he told me about, well, all sorts of things that a decent lady doesn't repeat. After that, he promised to stay quiet and that was that.
I know it can be scary for some people to intrude or impose on the lives of others, but if your sleep is really worth it to you, you’re going to have to do what you have to do. First of all, I doubt whatever he’s doing is as disgusting as you think it is. If it is, maybe he can give you a few pointers that you can use whenever that sex life of yours picks up… Kidding. Just kidding, dear! I actually think you worry too much about awkwardness. You need to learn to loosen up and enjoy all the fun life has to offer (in more ways than one). It’s not going to kill you, sweetie. Ultimately, you just need to grit your teeth and tell the guy to keep his business quiet.
Got a question? I promise I've got an opinion! msprim@igniteisonline.com
Miss Prim likes to think that the occasional pearl of wisdom falls from her mouth, but the only thing she's licensed to do is drive a car (and, honey, have you seen her driving?!).
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