Out for Change in 2012
“Out” is the code word – moving out, looking out, being out, praying out, and coming out; all active verbs wrapped around the major movement of change. Anything we do that creates a new pattern or claims a new status requires we go through stages of change. No one wakes up and comes out just as no one makes a major change in their life by blinking their eyes or snapping their fingers. All of us contemplate what it is we want to change, we look and listen for signs of change, and we stick our tongue out to get a small taste of change.
There are widely believed to be five stages of coming out which parallel with the stages of change. The first stage is called pre-gay, which is usually marked by puberty or a long opposite-sex marriage. Three kids, a husband, and suddenly you fall in love with your yoga teacher and you’re both girls. Whether you’re forty-five and confused or fourteen and confused, there’s no real difference – except that you feel different.
The second stage is known as simply coming out, the development stage wherein you begin to acknowledge that the feelings are not going away. You just can’t stop staring at her in that cobra pose.
The third stage is exploration. This can be a very long and confusing stage; you want to ask for her number but you are fearful of rejection. You begin to frequent places that gay people hang out, or that gay cousin the family has always known about all of a sudden becomes your best friend. You become actively attracted to the same sex, and you start looking for affection and some sense of sexual competence.
Stage four is your first relationship. She’s gay, your eyes meet over downward dog, and before you know it you’re sharing a yoga mat after class. Unfortunately, first relationships are awkward because you don’t know how to act, there are often problems with trust and these relationships are usually very intense.
The fifth stage is integration. This can be and is often a lifelong process: new relationships develop, old ones can normalize, you learn trust and love and you have a positive gay self identity.
|
|
Tweet |
|